Just one more post to bitch, I promise*.

So, breaking news.

She was lying.

She told me it was all just because it was time apart and things were different, she didn't feel the same any more.

I could accept that.

What I can't accept is the fact that she was actually lying to me for two months about us having a good relationship.

As it turns out, she completely disregarded me and fell for some other guy in Australia, while still telling me she loved me and that she couldn't wait to see me.

It's not so much that she stopped loving me, I couldn't care less about that.

It's that she lied so easily for so long.

This is the last post in which I will reference her at all, probably.

Time to hate on the rest of society.

*I make no promises.

A fresh start.

Well, first a little back story, to get the ball rolling and such.

I had a blog before this, I can't be bothered to remember the name, but it was almost exclusively made because of a girl I had in my life at the time. She was absolutely enthralled with the idea of having her innermost thoughts being displayed on the internet, and as such pestered me into trying it out. I was moderately amused with the idea, but ultimately left it for dead after her and I parted ways. It was probably for the better that I stopped blogging there, it was inevitably just angsty poems and passive-aggressive comments because I knew she was still reading it.

Now, I can't exactly explain why I decided to remake a blog. Maybe it's because I need some way to have my thoughts and feelings in a tangible, database-able form that isn't paper and pencil writing (because honestly, my handwriting sucks). Maybe it's because this is all because of a girl again, or maybe I'm just crazy.

Who knows.

But regardless of how I got here, here I am. Typing away trying to think of what to write next, and the only subject that really comes to mind is the reason I ever started blogging; girls.

So, I guess I'll explain what happened, then.

I met a girl in my group of friends a couple years ago, and never really saw her in any other light than just a "friend". We hung out some times, mostly in group scenarios, and never really got to know her as an individual. She was just there, with no real meaning to me. All of a sudden, about a year ago, I realized how amazing she was. So I asked her out and we started dating. Not for all too long, though, until the all-too-sudden complication arrived.

About three months into our relationship, she moved to Australia.

Not permanently, for a six month exchange program. At first I was a little scared for how our relationship would end up, but then I thought "hey, we're probably still good. I think we can handle this like mature adults".

So we tried.

We kept in touch semi-regularly (the 13 hour time change didn't help much), but when we talked we were always going on about how much we missed each other and how much neither of us could wait until the six months were up. I was creating a scene in my head of her coming home and us being able to pick up right where we left off, everything being just fine.

Our more experienced readers should know where this is going.

So the week before she came back, we talked even more. How excited we were that she was coming home, how sad she was that she was leaving her friends and new home in Australia, but she ultimately accepted it and hopped a plane back home. It was a rough transition period, and I allowed her time to grieve and such, offering help whenever possible. She didn't like talking as much when she came back, though, and I simply attributed this to some sort of culture shock. I've never really been travelling much, let alone for six months at a time, so I had no reason to think it was anything other than just the radical change of scenery.

So a few more days passed, and it still didn't seem right. She didn't want to hang out, or talk to me extensively. She was thrown a welcome home party by some of her friends, and I was invited. So I found this the perfect opportunity to talk to her about what was going on.

She didn't say much, just that things didn't feel quite the same for her. I thought that was fine, I gave her her welcome home gift (some treats I found in a local store that she thought were only sold in Australia), then went home. She ended up talking to me on MSN after she came home.

That's when it all came out.

She was never a very socially intimidating person, very meek and calm, but I guess she felt some sort of security in not having to talk to me face to face. This is when I was informed that she didn't feel the same way about me, and that she had never felt quite "right" when she kissed me. While this is fine and I shouldn't really feel too bad about it (being a teenage relationship), I tried to be as mature as possible and just said my goodbyes and tried to wash my hands of it all. It shouldn't bother me as much as it does, though.

I remember when I first told her I loved her, just before she left for Australia. It took three months for me to say it, because I don't like throwing those words around. They're far too disposable these days.

And the one thing that bothered me about that little exchange of "I love you"s, is what she had to say about it after, via text.

After we parted ways that day, she texted me "you finally said it! lol", like it was some sort of waiting game for her.

I don't think she understood that when I told her I loved her, I meant it.

I don't know how to take it any more.

I'm almost forced to see her, she's in the same group of friends as I am, so I can't simply stop seeing her without cutting myself off from all the friends I can actually stand to be around.

I know I need to get over her, but I don't know how.

I don't know any other sort of datable females. All of the females I know are either whores, don't live anywhere near me, or are in the group.

I can't run, and I can't stay.

I'm trapped in the middle ground of teenage mediocrity.

Disclaimer.

If anyone who will ever read this other than myself, if you haven't already guessed, this isn't some sort of self-help blog dedicated to new beginnings and letting old skeletons out of whatever closets you may have.

This is just a simple diary of a 17 year-old boy who's frustrated with how things run in this day and age.

Now, I know there are many like me, who love complaining about everything and how it all happens.

I'm not going to say my views are completely correct and infallible, that's for the reader to decide.

This is simply a medium in which I can express myself and just have the ideas out there. If other people read this, great, feel free to express yourself and form your own opinions. Whether they reinforce my own or contradict them, anything is progress.